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Let them have Cake
Posted:21 Apr 2011 17:41 +0100
<p>This renowned phrase attributed to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Antoinette"><span style="font-size: larger;">Marie Antoinette</span></a> is commonly used to illustrate the arrogance, naiveté and spoiled nature of aristocrats and monarchs in pre-democratic Europe. Yet thinking of it today, I wonder to what extent we can really consider this utterance<i>stupid</i>. It seems to me it has been taken quite literally by modern day politicians and industrialists and applied to the freedom-loving denizens of the Western world. Did our forebears rebel against the former ruling class because they hoped their descendants would thus have the luxury of choosing between 500 brands of washing powder and be able to purchase flimsy items made from non-biodegradeable materials by children in sweatshops on the other side of the globe? Possible, yet doubtful. I will assume the majority of them lacked the imagination to even dream of such wonders. Probably they were more concerned with achieving an equal distribution of wealth and possibly education and healthcare for everyone, pretty basic human rights, really.<br /><br />Modern western society revolves around a very basic concept of freedom. The freedom of consumer choice, or, frankly, to have cake. Yes, I realise that when quoted, the phrase having cake is meant to imply she did not fathom the concept of actually having nothing, so naively suggested if the peasants have no bread, they should eat yeast cake. But it could be taken otherwise, as in, give them cake and they will be distracted and shut their traps; like we do now. We are like the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiang_Shi">Chinese vampires</a>, held up by grains of rice thrown in front of us, except we are not counting them, we are drugged by what we interpret as their beauty and excitement, and we mistake our liberty to gaze at them and purchase a few with what remains of our wages after donating most of them to a government we did probably not vote for, for them to spend on things we don't consider necessary -- as freedom.</p><p>I anticipate those reactionary minds who will be thinking, W<i>ell, lil' girl, you go back in time and live as a peasant and see how you like it</i>. But that is not the issue here. The issue is that we have collectively sold out. We have traded social development and idealism - for cake!</p><p>And so I will now provide a recipe for a cake which really everyone can make, have and eat, regardless of their morals, potential allergies or anything else. It is even vegan. Obviously the alert and inquisitive reader will now loudly demand: why vegan? And since he or she is reading this on a modern portable device while engaged in some other activity, probably in a social context such as travelling to or from work, his or her peers will look up at her or him inquisitively or disapprovingly, momentarily distracted from their cupcakes, blackberries or apples. Puns intended, and can I just say<i>he</i>from now on? Because being politically correct can be a right old bore, and frankly, who cares if both hes and shes are meant when people use the words he or him? Is it that relevant to life on earth? There are more pressing matters, surely. Such as making an informed decision as to which is the best anti-frizz shampoo.</p><p>Q: So, why vegan?</p><p>A. Dairy products are over-rated. Running the risk of being hung, drawn and quartered by paediatricians foaming at the mouth and stoned to death by people related to sufferers of osteoporosis*, I will just say that mammals are not designed to consume milk their entire lives and certainly not in vast quantities, even were one to argue that carnivores might indulge from time to time. Milk is there to feed babies, in the human case this would be for six to 24 months, not 60 to 80 years, or whatever our average life expectancy is nowadays. Additionally, humans, being as we all know terribly superior to other species, cannot be dependent upon another species to provide us with milk for our entire lives, hence, logically we do not need milk unless we provide it for ourselves, which brings me to the human milk factor. Normally one hears people making utterances to the effect of animals are dirty, frequently they will involve opinions that animals will pass on various diseases and illnesses to us, although at the end of the day, we are the ones who most frequently pass illnesses on to each other. Or when was the last time you had kennel cough? However, when it comes to milk, suddenly animal milk is safe and human milk is the major no-no, unless one is a baby, of course. Everyone is against the consumption of human milk for anyone over 2. Recently the London ice-cream parlour who created <a href="http://www.aolnews.com/2011/02/24/london-ice-cream-parlor-creates-baby-gaga-flavor-from-human-br/">Baby Gaga</a>, an ice cream made of human milk, had their stock <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-12615353">confiscated by the authorities who were concerned about the possible health hazards involved</a>.</p><p>And this leaves me wondering, why are animals considered contagious, except in the matter of milk, where suddenly humans are worse? And why does humanity consider it good and necessary to consume milk -- unless it is human? Isn't our distaste of human milk the natural reaction to something we are not meant to consume as adults? Maybe unemployment would be less of an issue if lactating women were allowed to sell their milk, and why when we are a race so prone to intolerance, à la "the immigrants are stealing our jobs", do we not bellow in disgust at the thought that animals are stealing our jobs, after all, human women can make milk too, and in all likelihood it would be more becoming and less prone to cause adverse reactions such as milk protein allergies or lactose intolerance, since mammals produce milk designed specifically for the needs of the young of their own species. Maybe we just don't trust one another as a race. Commercial milk may be saturated with hormones and antibiotics, but at least cows don't shoot heroin or smoke crack. Having said that, human milk naturally contains beta endorphins (opioids). I could go on, but I really ought to return to the matter in hand before you get to work or your lunch break is over, so in short, dairy products are, in my humble opinion, quite overused, hence my anti-materialistic cake uses oil as opposed to butter, and no eggs.<br />Why no eggs? You will now ejaculate, spawning further disapproval from your fellow travellers. Well, why eggs? I retort. Eggs too are in far too many things. As a concept they are really fairly repellent, and frequently nowadays they hit the news headlines being contaminated with dioxins and other dodgy things, hardly surprising since chicken feeding is now a commercialised science. Whatever happened to the yard bird fed on grain? I guess they just don't generate enough profit for enough people. In an eggshell, I think we can do without having eggs in cake, so no eggs. I dreamt I laid a blue egg once, but we won't go into that.</p><p><b>Ceci n'est pas une Brioche, or Marie Antoinette's P(l)easant Cake</b></p><p>100 ml oil of choice, if you use olive oil, keep in mind it has a strong taste which some people may find alienating in cake</p><p>140 g sugar (make it brown, be a devil)</p><p>Egg replacer for 2 eggs (use instructions on packet). Don't resort to some alternative method like crushed linseeds, it won't taste right.</p><p>Dash of lemon juice/lemon peel (from untreated lemons) to taste</p><p>125 ml soya milk/rice milk/oat milk whatever</p><p>200 grams flour or spelt flour, or any gluten-free flour if you have a gluten intolerance/allerg</p><p>2 teaspoons baking powder</p><p>1 punnet raspberries (200 g)</p><p>Grease a cake tin of your choice and preheat the oven to 180 C</p><p>Make egg replacer according to instructions on packet.Blend with the sugar, oil and lemon juice. Use a blender :P</p><p>Add the flour and milk.</p><p>Pour mixture into the cake tin, sprinkle the raspberries on top (they will sink).</p><p>Bake in oven for approx an hour or until a fork or skewer comes out clean (try not to hit the raspberries as that won't tell you if it's done).</p><p>Note that cakes baked with oil go stale less quickly than normal cakes, so you don't have to eat it all at once.</p><p>Now, chew on that.</p><p>* My grandmother suffered from osteoporosis, yet her diet was saturated with dairy products, as are the diets of most people nowadays.</p>
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